This week I had an experience that caused me anxiety and
heavy heart. On Monday I shared an old conference talk by President Kimball on
my Relief Society Facebook page. My post said something like this: “Brother LeSueur wasn’t kidding yesterday in Stake
conference when he said the old conference talks were very direct. Listen to
this talk by President Kimball.
I don’t want to debate the talk. I know some
church policies have changed. I just thought you may be interested in
reading how direct the talk is.”
Voices of the Past, of the Present, of the
Future
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1971/04/voices-of-the-past-of-the-present-of-the-future?id=title1#title1
Well all was fine and good until Tuesday morning
when one of the sisters in our RS Facebook group, who I used to visit teach,
but who is now inactive and kind of against the church made this comment:
"We were the little kids listening
to that, at least I was. It's striking as an adult to listen to that
talk. My heart goes out to all LGBTQ. We were raised to fear,
judge, condemn, and despise another person based on their sexual preference.
Could you imagine being from that community and raised to loath yourself, by
parents who also were taught so much fear and prejudice? We are paying
for it today. The tragic escalation of suicide it the LDS LGBTQ
communities is staggering. One of the highest suicide rates among teens,
and leading causes of death among our youth. Just heartbreaking."
I was sick to my heart. I had tried to find a safe place to share that talk
where I wouldn’t have to debate or defend it. Defending my beliefs takes a lot
out of me (it also helps me grow, but ...I wasn’t ready for that) and Facebook
debates are a waste of time so I deleted the whole post. Later that morning it
was still weighing on my heart that my friend may be offended that I deleted
the post. And I love her and want to
know her heart and want her to know mine, so I sent her this personal text
message: “I deleted my post because I really didn’t want to debate that talk.
Facebook debates are a huge waste of time and cause me anxiety. I appreciate
your thoughts and respect your opinions. If you want to talk about things in
person I would love to, but I don’t want to discuss it online or over text.” I also posted a similar message on the RS
Facebook group so people would know I’m willing to talk about sensitive issues
with them.
Anyway I pondered a lot about what she said that the church is basically the
cause of suicides. That is false. I think the blame needs to go where it is
due, to Satan. He gets people to listen to negative self-talk and he’s the one
who tells people their life isn’t worth living. The leaders of the church do
preach against homosexual sin, not homosexual desire, but they also preach
these type of loving truths: “...however
late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however
many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or
however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify
that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible
for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines”
(Elder Holland).
I also pondered and about how the church has changed their style of teaching their
view of homosexuality and its causes. I can only imagine how hard it would be
to have homosexual desires and to have knowledge of God’s plan of families. The church is much more caring and
understanding to individuals who have homosexual desires than they were in the
past. For which I am grateful. I
know the leaders of the church are called of God and that He leads their
church, but I also know that leaders of the church are “striving to do their
best, but none of them yet perfect” (Elder Ballard, April 2018). Sometimes as a parent I warn of punishments
instead of parenting with love and teaching the reasons why my children should
obey, maybe some of the church leaders did that too?
I
have some dear cousins who wish the church would make big changes in their
policies regarding homosexuality, bigger than the change the church just made
this most conference where children of same sex parents can now be baptized and
same sex married couples are not excommunicated. I’m not sure what else my
cousins want to change. I haven’t had the courage or strength to ask them.
Although with my limited knowledge, I don’t know how the doctrine could be
changed. Heavenly Father wants us to have eternal life and to be parents like Him.
(Moses 1:39) According to my current knowledge, same sex partners cannot have
eternal increase. The choice to marry someone of your same sex stops eternal
progression. I feel the church will always preach against something that stops eternal
progression. Eternal perspective is a
must.
Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Please know that I will lend a non-judgmental,
loving, listening ear if any of my family and friends want to talk to me in
person about any issue. I won’t discuss sensitive matters over text or email
though. Too many things get misunderstood that way. Also know that I will defend the church. I have covenanted to do so. I guess I better get stronger and get used to
playing defense!
Love,
Mindy