A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders today. I almost feel like I've just given birth or something, no not quite that relieved, but close. I've given all my Young Women in the ward the lesson on modesty that I've been impressed to give. Friday I spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon writing it all out, but I've been tweaking and adding other little parts clear up through the 2nd hour of church today as I have felt prompted to add a little bit more. I felt privileged yet nervous and accountable to give this lesson. My bishop, who was aware I would be giving this lesson today and who I invited to give some remarks because I know the bishopric has been concerned about this issue as well, attended YW's today and gave about 10 minutes of remarks after my lesson was over. I was worried that I had too much material to give him ample time, but it worked out perfectly. I was able to deliver my entire lesson with expression and I didn't feel rushed. Plus, I had plenty of time for the girls to contribute and ask questions, and for the bishop to give his remarks. The bishop said I covered everything that he had jotted down to cover. He was also very blunt and direct. He talked about garments and how there has been a new section added to the recommend interview. He said it is because we think we're modest, but we're not. We're not getting it. He also bluntly talked about the type of clothing endowed members of the church wear to the gym and how he runs into women in several places with tank tops on and how they feel comfortable in them, which is not appropriate. It felt good to have him give a second witness to my remarks.
Anyway, my lesson is copied below.
Love,
Mindy
Modesty YW Lesson 5-11-14
Today I am going to teach about modesty.
I have had this topic weighing on my mind for several weeks. I have had several thoughts going through my
head about how and what to teach about modesty.
I have been emotional as I realize that this might make people feel like
I am judging them. Please know that when
I teach this I am not judging you. I am
not a judge, I don’t ever want to be a judge, but I am a teacher and I will be
held accountable for what I am prompted to teach you. I don’t want to make anyone feel
uncomfortable. I love each of you young
women, I want to help you realize the great blessings that can come from being
modest.
What is Modesty?
Write on the board: What does it
mean to be Modest? List the girls’
answers on the board.
Let’s read the first two paragraphs from the modesty section on page 106
in True to the Faith and add to our list.
Modesty is an attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming,
language, and behavior. If you are modest, you do not draw undue attention to
yourself. Instead, you seek to “glorify God in your body, and in your spirit”
(1 Corinthians 6:20; see also verse 19).
If you are unsure about whether your dress or grooming is modest, ask
yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s
presence?” You might ask yourself a similar question about your language and
behavior: “Would I say these words or
participate in these activities if the Lord were present?” Your honest answers
to these questions may lead you to make important changes in your life.
I love that phrase, seek to glorify
God in your body, and in your spirit. I
think it describes modesty very well. Modesty is more than just
what kind of clothes you wear. It
includes the language you speak, how you act, and how you groom yourself (Groom
means to care for the appearance of; to make neat and trim).
What type of clothing is
modest?
Now let’s read four paragraphs from the Dress and Appearance section in
For the Strength of Youth starting with the last paragraph on page 6. I’d like each of you to underline the parts
that stick out to you and I’ll invite some of you to share what you learned.
Never lower your standards of dress. Do not use a special occasion as
an excuse to be immodest. When you dress immodestly, you send a message that is
contrary to your identity as a son or daughter of God. You also send the
message that you are using your body to get attention and approval.
Immodest clothing is any clothing that is tight, sheer, or revealing in
any other manner. Young women should avoid short shorts and short skirts,
shirts that do not cover the stomach, and clothing that does not cover the
shoulders or is low-cut in the front or the back. Young men should also
maintain modesty in their appearance. Young men and young women should be neat
and clean and avoid being extreme or inappropriately casual in clothing,
hairstyle, and behavior. They should choose appropriately modest apparel when
participating in sports. The fashions of the world will change, but the Lord’s
standards will not change.
Do not disfigure yourself with tattoos or body piercings. Young women,
if you desire to have your ears pierced, wear only one pair of earrings.
Show respect for the Lord and yourself by dressing appropriately for
Church meetings and activities. This is especially important when attending
sacrament services. Young men should dress with dignity when officiating in the
ordinance of the sacrament.
What part's stuck out to
you? These are the parts that stuck out to me:
- Immodest clothing is any clothing that is tight, sheer, or revealing in any other manner. Young women should avoid short shorts and short skirts, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and clothing that does not cover the shoulders or is low-cut in the front or the back. A good way to check if your clothing is modest is to remember the Primary song, “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.”
o Head--When
your hands are on your head does your shirt cover your stomach?
o Shoulders--Are
your shoulders covered? When your arms
are out at shoulder height are you revealing too much under your sleeves—i.e.
can you see your bra?
o Knees
and Toes--When you bend over to touch your knees or toes where is your skirt
and where is your shirt—are they too short, are they revealing too much?
- When you’re getting ready in the morning another good way to check to make sure you are modest is to sit in front of a mirror to make sure your skirts aren’t revealing too much. When you sit down your skirts come up a couple inches. When you cross your legs it reveals even more. Are any of your skirts too revealing? I’ll be honest. It’s very awkward for me to teach a YW lesson when I can see up your skirt. I hardly know where to look.
- Young women should avoid short shorts and short skirts. How short is too short? That is a family and a personal decision. Some of you may think that you’re parent’s rules on modesty are strict. However, I can pretty much guarantee you that my parent’s rules were stricter. My parent’s standard was that skirts should cover the knee and I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts, except when I was playing sports. I was expected to change back into regular clothing when sports practice was over. I wasn’t allowed to lounge around the house in shorts. I am thankful for the high standards my parents set for me and my family. They helped prepare me to make sacred covenants in the temple. I hope you will respect and adhere to your parent’s standards. If your parents do not have specific standards or rules for modesty I hope you will pray about it and come up with your own.
- Young men and young women should choose appropriately modest apparel when participating in sports. The fashions of the world will change, but the Lord’s standards will not change.” When you play sports, exercise, go to dance, or even just lounge around the house do you choose modest clothes that are in harmony with the counsel given in For the Strength of Youth? There are modest active wear choices that are not too tight, that cover the shoulders and are not too short. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the latter day saint youth and adults for that matter stood up for modesty and helped design modest costumes and uniforms for dance and sports? When you do happen to have uniforms or costumes that aren’t in harmony with the standards in the strength of youth, I challenge you to think about taking a modest cover up or a t-shirt and long shorts to wear over it before and after your performance or game. Also when you go swimming, I hope you’ll consider wearing something modest over your swimming suit during the times that you are not in the water. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of thought ahead of time to be modest. I hope you’ll make modesty a part of your thoughts.
Why does
Modesty Matter?
Some of you may be asking yourself, why does
modesty even matter? As we read the
Dress and Grooming section on page 107 in True to the Faith I’d like you to
look for and underline some answers to that question. I underlined 5 different reasons of why
modesty matters.
Dress and
Grooming
Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that [1]
the human body is God’s sacred creation. Respect your body as a gift from
God. Through your dress and appearance,
you can show the Lord that you know how precious your body is.
Your clothing expresses who you are. [2] It sends messages about
you, and it influences the way you and others act. [3] When you are well groomed and modestly
dressed, you can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good
influence on those around you.
Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred
power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power
is to be used only between husband and wife. [4] Revealing and sexually
suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing,
and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions
that violate the Lord’s law of chastity.
In addition to avoiding clothing that is revealing, you should avoid
extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. In dress, grooming, and manners, always be
neat and clean, never sloppy or inappropriately casual. Do not disfigure
yourself with tattoos or body piercings. If you are a woman and you desire to
have your ears pierced, wear only one pair of modest earrings.
Maintain high standards of modesty for all occasions. Do not lower your
standards to draw attention to your body or to seek approval from others. [5] True
disciples of Jesus Christ maintain the Lord’s standard regardless of current
fashions or pressure from others.
Modesty
Brings Blessings
Being modesty will give you blessings. Elder Nelson said, “Keeping divine commandments brings blessings, every time! Breaking
divine commandments brings a loss of blessings, every time!” (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/let-your-faith-show?lang=eng)
Modesty gives us confidence and self-worth. Sis. Allred, former First Counselor in the Relief
Society General Presidency, said, “In a
world that constantly tries to undermine our sense of who we are and what we
can become, observing the principle of modesty can improve our confidence. … As
modesty becomes the virtue that regulates and moderates action in our lives, we
too will find an increased sense of self-worth. Recall the promises of Doctrine
and Covenants 121:45–46: ‘Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then
shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the
priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy
Ghost shall be thy
constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and
truth’” (https://www.lds.org/liahona/2009/07/modesty-a-timeless-principle-for-all?lang=eng&query=modesty). When I was a young woman I didn’t have very much self-confidence. Anything that would have brought me even a little
bit of confidence or self-worth was worth it.
Modesty will do that for you!!
Modesty helps us qualify for the companionship of
the Holy Ghost which we’ve already mentioned before. Elder Hales said, “To be modest is to be
humble, and being humble invites the Spirit to be with us” (https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/08/modesty-reverence-for-the-lord?lang=eng&query=modesty).
When you are modest you stand out. It will set you apart and young men will
notice. Young men want to date girls who
are modest so they can feel comfortable in your presence.
To me the greatest blessing of modesty is that it
prepares you to go to the temple and to wear garments. In Alma 48:7 it says, “Moroni … had been
preparing the minds of the people to be faithful unto the Lord their God.” Since you girls will be going to the temple
in a few years, I’d like to teach you and prepare you for when you will go to
the temple and receive garments.
Garments are a wonderful blessing.
The First
Presidency made the following important statements regarding how the garment
should be worn:
“Church
members who have been clothed with the garment in the temple have made a
covenant to wear it throughout their lives. This has been interpreted to mean
that it is worn as underclothing both day and night. [When I was sharing this letter with my kids Bryant said,
"That means garments should be covered at night too." Chad now
wears a shirt over his garments to bed.]
This sacred covenant is
between the member and the Lord. Members should seek the guidance of the Holy
Spirit to answer for themselves any personal questions about the wearing of the
garment. … The promise of protection and blessings is conditioned upon
worthiness and faithfulness in keeping the covenant.
“The
fundamental principle ought to be to wear the garment and not to find occasions
to remove it. Thus, members should not remove either all or part of the garment
to work in the yard or to lounge around the home in swimwear or immodest
clothing. Nor should they remove it to participate in recreational activities
that can reasonably be done with the garment worn properly beneath regular
clothing. When the garment must be removed, such as for swimming, it should be
restored as soon as possible.
“The principles
of modesty and keeping the body appropriately covered are implicit in the
covenant and should govern the nature of all clothing worn. Endowed members of
the Church wear the garment as a reminder of the sacred covenants they have
made with the Lord and also as a protection against temptation and evil. How it is worn is an outward
expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior.” (The Temple Garment: “An Outward Expression
of an Inward Commitment”).
In the temple we are taught that garments will protect us from the
destroyer. A few weeks ago while I was
in the temple thinking about what I should teach you young women about modesty,
the word destroyer
really stood out to me. When I heard
that word, my mind opened up and I remembered the account in the Bible about
how the destroyer passed over the children of Israel when they put lambs blood
on the door posts of their houses. Wearing
our garments may be as important to us as putting the blood on the door posts
was to the children of Israel. Elder Carlos E. Asay, former president of the
Salt Lake Temple said, “I fear that too
many Church members take for granted the promise of protection and blessings
associated with the temple garment. Some wear it improperly, and others remove
it to suit whims of circumstance. In such cases, the instructions of modern
prophets, seers, and revelators are ignored and spiritual protection placed in
jeopardy” (The Temple Garment: “An Outward Expression
of an Inward Commitment”).
After you go to the temple and receive garments the standard for shorts
and skirts is a little different. In the
temple they explain the markings that are on garments and where they should
cover. Please listen to the explanation
carefully. A few years ago President
Riggs, our former stake president, taught that we should clothe our bodies in
such a way to cover up the parts of our bodies where the garments are supposed
to cover.
Garments do not have to be removed to exercise. The letter from the first presidency that we
just read said, “Thus, members
should not remove either all or part of the garment … to participate in
recreational activities that can reasonably be done with the garment worn
properly beneath regular clothing.” There are modest
exercise clothes that cover garments just fine and it is ok to sweat in your garments. I’ve never heard the general authorities of
the church teach that you shouldn’t sweat a lot in your garments. If that were the case, those of us who live
in the desert would not be able to wear garments for several months in the
summer. J If you do decide to remove
your garments for exercise, you should still wear modest active wear that
covers the shoulders, isn’t too tight, or too short and you shouldn’t let too much
of the day may go by before they are replaced.
When you get garments you’ll be instructed to wear them day and
night. We live in a busy day and age
where activities follow each other back to back with little down time in
between. So if you remove your garments
to go to the gym before you know it you may also end up doing many other things
without your garments on, i.e. take the kids to school, run errands, clean up
the house, etc.
In the church handbook it gives a little more instruction regarding the
garments. It says, “Members should not adjust the garment
or wear it contrary to instructions in order to accommodate different styles of
clothing. Nor should they alter the garment from its authorized design. When
two-piece garments are used, both pieces should always be worn.
The garment is sacred and should be treated
with respect at all times. Garments should be kept off the floor. They
should also be kept clean and mended. After garments are washed, they should
not be hung in public areas to dry. Nor should they be displayed or exposed to
the view of people who do not understand their significance.” (Underlined
emphasis added, Section 21.1.42 – Temple Clothing and Garments, https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng&query=garments)
I hope you look forward to the time you will go to
the temple and will receive your garments.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you didn’t have to change any of the
clothing in your wardrobe when you go through the temple because it is already
modest enough for garments?
In conclusion, I hope you will think, ponder and pray about the things
we’ve learned today. I hope you will align
your standard of modesty with the Lord’s standard. I hope your standard of modesty will never
change because you see someone else, even another member of our church, wearing
immodest clothing. Elder Nelson said, “Even
if ‘everyone is doing it, ‘wrong is never right’” (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/let-your-faith-show?lang=eng). You will be held accountable
for the light and knowledge and testimony you have received. Other people will be held accountable for the
light and knowledge and testimony they’ve received.
I hope you will not judge someone or talk about them behind their back for
wearing immodest clothing. Maybe they
haven’t been taught what you’ve been taught.
Please don’t judge, just love.
I’d like you to ask yourself these questions. Do I have immodest clothing in my
closet? Is there a way that I could make
it modest or should I get rid of it? I
hope you’ll keep the best and discard the rest!!
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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