Letter - Learning to listen to my children, importance of body image

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Life is marching on.  It is wonderful.  I missed writing last week so I have two weeks to report about.  On Monday the 8^th the phoenix area had record breaking rain fall and severe flooding in some places.  Several freeways were flooded and closed.  Our yard had a couple inches of standing water, but we didn’t have any leaks or flooding in our home.  That afternoon I baked some bread and the laurel’s class president and I took a loaf to our newly baptized laurel that hasn’t been coming to church or activities.  No one answered the door, so we left the bread and a note.  I’m sad she isn’t coming to church.  She’s so sweet.

Karalee made this flower picture in art and it was chosen by the principal to go on his bulletin board at school!!

On Tuesday afternoon March 9^th Spencer’s football game was cancelled because the fields were still too wet. That night the laurels were in charge for our combined young women’s and we decided to put on a manners dinner.  It went well.  I asked the bishop’s wife to speak and she had Bro. and Sis. Fulton, a fun couple in the ward, demonstrate what not to do while eating a spaghetti dinner then she lead a discussion about what the girls noticed that they did wrong.  It was funny.  Spencer went with the deacons to go to play life size chess that night because they finished up their chess merit badge.  (His deacon leader’s boss has a life size chess set in his back yard.)  They also played on the trampoline and Spencer hurt his neck really badly.   

On Wednesday morning Spencer’s neck was still hurting him and I had to take him out of school for a dentist appointment so I took him out early to go to the chiropractor too.  Wednesday night Tilly threw up several times during the night.

Thursday Tilly slept in late and has been fine ever since.  Spencer’s neck felt better that morning and so he planned to play in his football game that afternoon.  However, when he came home his neck was stiff again and he couldn’t move it much so we had to let his coach know he wouldn’t be playing.  He was very sad, but left the decision up to him and he didn’t want to risk hurting his neck further.  I massaged his neck a few more times that afternoon and evening and helped him stretch it and by Friday he was better.  Thursday evening Hayley went through the temple for the first time.  Chad and I were excited to be able share that special experience with her.  We sure love Hayley.

We went to Frost for gelato after going to the temple with Hayley.

Friday morning Sept. 12th Bryant played in his first band performance during the schools daily flag ceremony.  He did very well.  Jennifer (Tyler’s) and I got pedicures later that morning in celebration of her birthday the previous day.  It was so relaxing and fun to visit with her.  Friday evening Spencer went to the Ben Franklin High School’s first home football game.  He sang the national anthem with their choir.   While he was having fun at the game the rest of us went out to eat at Ihop.  Kids eat free!!  Later that night Mina Anderson, a little girl in our ward, came to stay with us for the weekend because her grandparents went on a trip and they needed help with babysitting for a couple of days.

Saturday morning I had an auxiliary training meeting.  That afternoon several of the kids had birthday parties to attend.  I did a lot of taxing them back and forth.

Last Sunday we attended my nephew Jake Flake’s farewell.  He gave such a nice talk.  I especially liked how he paid such a nice tribute to his Mom, Dad, brother and sister.  He’s such a great man.  He’ll be a great missionary.  We had a nice biscuit and gravy dinner at Wynn and Kami’s home afterwards.  I was sure thankful for the opportunity to visit with the family.

Chad and Tilly last Sunday night.  I'm not sure who put who to sleep.  :)

Monday (Sept. 15^th) Spencer’s football team won their first game!!  I’m so glad they won’t have a completely winless season.  They are about halfway through their season now.  I think they’ll do better the second part of the season.  They are continually improving.  The girls had their first soccer practices of the season that night and they each got their new uniform which is always exciting.

Tuesday evening for mutual the Miamaids and Laurels met together and we made two different taco soup recipes to give to our ward’s compassionate service leader so she could give them out to the next family who needs a meal.  I was in charge of bringing them home, freezing them and then taking over to her.  Sadly the next morning I went out in the garage and noticed the van door open and the taco soup still in the van.  That night I got side tracked when I got home and put all my dirty dishes in the sink and forgot to go get the bags of taco soup.  I felt terrible that I left them out all night and ruined them.  Part of me wanted to just make a new batch and not tell anyone about my mistake, but I didn’t feel honest about that so I texted the other leaders and told them about my mistake and apologized.  Today I told the girls and apologized to them.  I will still make a replacement for the soup I ruined. 

Wednesday I got the oil changed in the van at Kelly automotive, a new shop nearby.  I found out we are way passed due to get our transmission fluid replaced soon and to get our timing belt changed.  Those are costly.  I really liked the new shop though. Bryant had student council afterschool that day.  He is glad to be his class’ boy student representative.  That afternoon while doing his chores Bryant got frustrated with me and went to his room.  When I went to see what was wrong he told me that he really doesn’t want to play soccer this year.  He said I pressured him into saying yes to playing this year.  The day I signed the girls up, I did try hard to convince him to play because I felt he needed to participate in a good extracurricular activity and that he’d be sad if he didn’t play.  I told him I was sorry, but since he did actually tell me that he would play he couldn't back out because I already paid the money.  However, later that night after a lot of thought about our conversation, which was a hard conversation because it didn't make me feel like a very good mother, I decided to write an email to the league unbeknownst to Bryant to ask them if they could give me a refund or a credit for next year since his season and practices hadn’t actually started yet. They wrote me back the next morning and said that they would give me a credit towards one of my other kids for next year.  When I told Bryant the news he was so happy.  I feel glad that I took the time to listen to him.  I’ve been praying to be able to be able to listen better to what my children want/need.  I told Bryant that since he is not playing soccer I want him to choose an existing skill or learn a new skill to work on and that I want him to spend at least one hour a week improving.  He decided he wants to learn how to cook.  I asked him to make a list of things he wants to learn to make.  Here’s his list:

·         Maple Syrup

·         Rice Crispy Treats

·         Cookies

·         Pie

·         Pancakes

·         Chinese Food

·         French toast

·         Waffles

·         His favorite salad (Oriental Cabbage Salad)

Yesterday I taught him how to make French toast and this afternoon I taught him how to make cookies.  He’s a good little chef and is very careful.

Thursday Marlee had dentist appointment to get her other two cavities taken care of.  She had a little trouble on the first tooth and then had a terrible time and cried and yelled when they started on the second tooth.  I think the sound of the drill scared her, even with the “happy gas”.  I felt so sad for her, but felt it was important to get the cavities filled.   I asked her if she wanted to come back another time to get it filled or if she just wanted them to finish.  She said she wanted them to finish, but still cried and cried.  It was terrible.  Later that morning, Marlee, Tilly and I took Karalee out to Chick-fil-A for a lunch date.  I love lunch dates.  Thursday night no one in the family had any commitments!!!  It was so nice to spend and evening at home together. 

Friday was a half day.  Spencer, Bryant and two of Bryant’s friends set up a lemonade stand.  They sold fresh squeezed lemonade and cookies.  They set up on the main road in the neighborhood just before the neighborhood school got out for the day.  They had a fun time and sold out of all their cookies and most of their lemonade. 

Tilly found Spencer's football helmet and wanted her picture taken.

Yesterday was my niece Malia’s baptism.  Spencer played the prelude music and did a great job.  I was honored to accompany the rest of the music.  We were sure glad to be able to celebrate her special day with her.  We love Malia.  Last night we had the missionaries over.  We fed them chicken chili and corn bread.  Then they gave us a wonderful message.  They read the scripture in Moroni 10:8 about the different spiritual gifts that come to each of us and that each of us has spiritual gifts.  Then they shared a spiritual gift they had been given and they asked us to go around the room and have each of us share a spiritual gift that we’ve been given.  Bryant shared that he is helpful, Karalee shared that she gives good prayers of thanks, Chad shared that he likes to serve and help people, I shared that I have a testimony and bare it to others, Marlee and Tilly shared that they love the temple, Spencer shared that he honors his Priesthood and he fulfils his Priesthood duties.  After we all shared they asked us if we would use those gifts this week to share the gospel.  I loved it and thought it was probably the most powerful message we’ve been given from missionaries in our home.

I’ve been playing the piano more lately.  I got asked to accompany two different groups in sacrament meeting, one was for today’s meeting and one is next month.  I also volunteered to help accompany for Spencer’s school choir concert.  His teacher sent home five songs for me to work on.  I’m really looking forward to rehearsing with the choirs and playing in the concert.  Accompanying is my favorite musical thing to do.

My brothers and sister and I have been working on getting the lots that Mom and Dad gave each of us into our names.  I just need to wait until Jeff and Celeste get back from Brazil to ask them how they want to split their lot with Doug and then I can finish the diagram and send it to the surveyor.

Here’s my quote for today.  “We can offer hands to help and hearts to hasten Heavenly Father’s wonderful work” (2014 April General Conference, Wanted: Hands and Hearts to Hasten the Work, Gen. Women's Meeting - By Linda K. Burton).  I love the message and the alliteration.

The rest of the pictures are from this afternoon.  We love our silly Sunday afternoons.

I love it when Bryant concentrates so hard he sticks his tongue out.  :)

Love,

Mindy

P.S.  I just got back from a powerful fireside “More Precious than Rubies: The importance of body image and how the media is changing the way women view themselves”.  Two sisters give the fireside.  They are dynamic speakers.  They show how the “desirable body image” has changed over the years, how airbrushed magazines models are and how unrealistic today’s “desirable body image” is.  For example, Jennifer Aniston worked out 8 hours a day and then filmed 9 hours a day to keep her body looking so thin during the filming of Friends.  A couple of points I really liked from the fireside are:   

• A lot of anti-family messages target young women. The media messages coming to our youth are anti-children.  Today’s “desirable image” is really pre-pubescent.  Satan wants women to hate the changes that happen to their bodies so they can be creators of life.
• Even in whimsy, we must not say destructive things, especially to a child. They may need years to forget, and to forgive.  Use language that uplifts, encourages, and compliments others. We can make our homes a safe haven.
• Do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and concentrate on others. 

I tried to google to the names of the ladies who gave the fireside, and I came across this audio of the whole fireside.  https://archive.org/details/MorePreciousThanRubiesFireside